Turtleboy Lies About Hacking To Cover Up His Own Misdeeds

Professional douchecanoe and low-rent “blogger” Aidan Kearney of Turtleboy Sports has made a living airing other people’s dirty laundry. We have his – no hacking necessary.

As reviled internet trolls and relentless dissenters, the list of individuals embroiled in online feuds with Masshole Report is certainly lengthy and distinguished. But no feud has been quite as lengthy, or as storied, as that with the sociopathic, philandering, drug-using, unemployed, and likely narcissist Aidan Kearney of “Turtleboy Sports”. This one has a lot of lore, that I’ll probably delve into more on a separate post, but I’ll add in some background cliff notes to get us started.

What is Turtleboy Sports?

It’s hard work to be this big of a douche. Luckily, that’s the only work this guy does.

Turtleboy Sports is a web blog run by Western Mass native Aidan Kearney, a 40-year old former schoolteacher who was forced out of his career and into an extremely early “retirement” amidst accusations of misconduct in 2014. Kearney blamed another low-rent blogger from the Buffalo area named James Kriger for his ousting after Kriger alleged Kearney displayed lewd and intimidating behavior at a Buffalo Bills game, however, considering he was the admitted frequent recipient of formal guidance department complaints such as this one……

Usually not indicative of a high-quality educator.

….it’s fair to assume he was just pretty terrible at his job. Since leaving teaching, Kearney has remained wholly unemployed, with nothing but his web blog and persistent e-begging to sustain him and his family. Kearney is a married father of two young children who currently resides in Holden, MA, although as we will detail later on, his family does not appear to be a top priority for him. Instead, his entire life appears to revolve around his online activity, which is regelated to writing Pultizer front-running articles such as “Freddie Fupa Takes Up Two Handicapped Spots At Chipotle In Framingham” and “Danielson Donkey Schlong Caught Red Handed Cranking The Cream Machine In Connecticut Laundromat For Third Time”. Really hard-hitting investigative pieces and all. Kearney’s blog fosters a preoccupation with shaming “ratchets” – disadvantaged individuals such as the homeless, drug addicts, LGBT, minorities- people whom Kearney feels he can claim moral superiority above.

Kearney is a self-proclaimed “serious journalist”, despite having no education or credentials in journalism and no employment history with any newspaper, news network, or news publication whatsoever, reputable or otherwise. Kearney’s brand of “journalism” involves copying and pasting his public shaming victims’ Facebook posts and photos, googling criminal histories, obtaining private messages, and inserting his extremely one-dimensional, degrading, and vulgar commentary. Constantly evading social media bans, and as a residual of years of attempting to hide his own identity so that he could viciously judge others online with impunity, Kearney utilizes a variety of online alias, but most prominently, he uses an account by the name of “Clarence Woods Emerson”. Despite his insistence in court during the multitude of defamation lawsuits, harassment orders, and small claims hearings, Kearney is the only user with access to this “Clarence Woods Emerson” account and has never produced the name of even one additional user. It’s only him.

“Serious journalism”

Kearney’s claim to fame was breaking the 2018 story of the Massachusetts State Police scandal involving former trooper Leigha Genduso, a woman who two years later he engaged in a sexually-charged extramarital affair with, because he is a very serious and very ethical journalist, and also, in his words….his wife gained 50 lbs after bringing their two children into this world.

That face you make when you don’t give a f*ck about your breadwinner wife.

So, he’s clearly a great journalist AND a great husband.

Besides his propensity for duck-faced selfies, his delusions of grandeur and success, and his narcissistic disregard for the well being of his immediate family, Aidan’s other notable qualities include his immense cowardice, displayed during the incident where he was publicly confronted for his antagonistic online postings and proclaimed that it was not him who wrote the blogs, while fleeing to the safety of his locked vehicle. It can also be seen in his frequent failed attempts to file orders of protection against those who speak out against him online. Or his frequent attempts to report non-existent crimes to his extremely exasperated local police department.

Why Does Aidan Kearney Insist He Was “Hacked”?

Beginning in early December of 2021, a handful of Kearney’s “inner circle” members reached out to Masshole Report with frustrations and concerns about his behavior. They began feeding us information and screenshots from messages with Kearney, which we began to leak out during our livestreams on YouTube. This spooked Kearney, and instead of reasonably discerning that he may have an information leak or two, he surmised that the only logical explanation could be that nefarious online hackers had breached all of his devices and caused his notoriously sh*tty internet service during his own live streams to be, well, sh*tty. He completed bypassed the fact that the source of this information – his own “friends”, was explicitly identified during the aformentioned livestreams, and immediately went into full-on tinfoil hat amphetamine psychosis mode.

This led to a few other trolls from discord intermittently egging on the “hacked” conspiracy theory, to see if this totally professional, sharp, ace investigative journalist could be led to believe all of his devices were hacked. After all, by his own admittance, he clicked no links, had no spyware or malware installed, and gave no one any physical access to his devices.

It worked. So yeah….. You should definitely trust what he publishes as fact. This man can be convinced that he was hacked without any actual traceable or explainable mode of hacking – simply sorcery and witchcraft.

The Fallout From The “Hack” Troll, And What Aidan Kearney Is Hiding

Kearney then decided that he would report this inexplicable hacking to every single government agency he could think of – the Massachusetts Cyber Crimes Division, the FBI….maybe even the NSA, CIA, DTA, DHS, BBB, who knows. Meanwhile, to “collect more evidence” on the hackers and link the nefarious criminal activity back to myself and his former mistress Leigha Genduso, Kearney made the totally sane and not concerning decision to send nude videos of his own children in the tub to one of his trolls. Ya know, the guy he believed to be a shadowy and dangerous criminal computer hacker.

Haha, totally real and dangerous online hacker! Now that I have disseminated nude videos of my own spawn to you, I’ve got you where I want you!

Presumably, the man could have sent literally anything else to see if it got back to Leigha and me, but he chose nudes of his own kids. Brilliant strategy. Not concerning at all. Who doesn’t send nudes of their offspring to strangers to get the upper hand during a painfully obvious troll?

Turns out, this was part of a hair-brained plan to force the police into action. Apparently they’ll take cyber security more seriously if you involve your own innocent minor children.

He’s a serious journalist committed to the truth, and a great father committed to his children, clearly. This is why he uses his kids to lie to the police.

Kearney seems to know this was wrong to do on some level because he later lied about it publicly. He obviously had some sort of shame about it.

Just kidding -he had to try and bolster the false story he gave to the police.

In the above clip, Kearney also references photos and videos that he DEFINITELY DID NOT SEND TO ANYONE ELSE YOU GUYS.

He claims they were definitely hacked, and that they were starting to be shared.

What he was referring to were a series of explicit photos and homemade pornographic videos he had filmed with his current mistress, Lauren Murray of Roslindale, MA. I had censored, edited, and shared one of their many Motel 6 glamor shots. Why, you ask? Because I am a terrible bitch and I wanted him to know that I had them, without actually sharing anything that would be explicit and humiliating to Lauren. Outside of falling for a narcissistic and callous married man, she’s relatively innocent in all this.

I think I made them look lovely, so fuck you.

Kearney has repeatedly stated – to the public, to the police, and presumably Lauren herself, that he shared these videos and photos with absolutely no one at all.

Ergo, he HAD to have been hacked.


….That’s simply not true. And Kearney didn’t just send these images and videos to one person. Oh, no.

He sent them to MULTIPLE women, in an attempt to sleep with them.

Let’s process that. While sleeping around on his wife, he’s also violating his mistress by sending intimate images and photos of her to strangers online. In an effor to sleep around on her, too.

He sent them to a woman named Sara Igoe Roy, who is married, and apparently in fear of her husband. I’m sure receiving sex videos from this little coked-up sex gremlin would go over really well with a controlling husband. Aidan Kearney is a selfless philanthropist.

To make matters worse, knowing full well he had in fact disseminated these materials to numerous other people, Kearney dragged his poor mistress to the Boston Police Department to file her own report. WHERE HER FATHER WORKS AS A BOSTON POLICE OFFICER. As if what he had already done wasn’t humiliating enough.

Don’t take it too personally, though, Lauren. You’re not the first. This is typical Aidan.

Please believe I was hacked.

Aidan Kearney Regularly Lies To The Police And The Courts

So this little “I didn’t send anything to anyone ever, officer, I was hacked” snafu aside, Kearney has actually lied to officers and under oath a plethora of times. Too many to put in this already lengthy blog.

So we’ll stick to the lies pertinent to this “hacking”. For starters, prior to 6th of January, Aidan had reported this “hacking” to the Masschusetts State Police and the FBI. He dragged his mistress out to the Boston Police to report the homemade porn she had made with a married man to her own father’s place of employment.

For some unknown reason, though, it does not appear he had reported it to his own local police department. One of the leaks of information was rather shaken by the manic reporting done by Kearney, and he had started to possibly catch on a little bit per their messages, so she just explicitly told him what she had done.

So at this point he knew.

Normal people would be embarrassed at this point. They might feel pretty silly, and contact the billion government agencies they filed reports with to update them on this development.

But not Aidan Kearney. Nope. The very next day, January 7th, he marched down to Holden PD with the same “I didn’t send anything to anyone” story to file yet another “hacking” complaint, knowing full well there was at least one leak of information and neglecting to mention her at all. And he continued to publicly declare that he was certainly, definitely hacked, and we’re all going to prison.

But if I was Aidan, I suppose I would hope I was “hacked”, too. Despite all reason and evidence to the contrary. Because then this next little bit wouldn’t be admissible in court. Unfortunately, he wasn’t. So it is.

Aidan Made Threats Against His Own Children, Using Their Images, To Attempt To Obtain A False Restraining Order And Get Leverage In A Civil Case

Aidan Kearney is the constant defendant in a never-ending string of defamation lawsuits, thanks to his incendiary language, rudimentary “investigation” skills, reliance on unverified anonymous sources, and extremely noncommittal relationship with the truth. One of the most persistent plaintiffs in the cases has turned out to be a man named Rian Waters. In November of 2021, Waters won a slight victory in one of his points contained within an appeal on a previously decided case. Waters then moved to file another lawsuit against Kearney on November 19th, a move that apparently panicked Kearney a bit.

The very next day, Kearney went live and detailed threats against his minor children allegedly made by Rian Waters via Facebook. Kearney alleged that he did not even know about the threats until Rian had emailed his lawyer denying that he was the author. I know this blog is A LOT, but please, please, take the time to listen to Kearney’s account of the events.

The comments purportedly authored by Waters were pretty disturbing and explicit. They went so far as to imply murdering one of the children, focused particularly around Kearney’s six-year-old daughter.

As Rian Waters is also trying to sue me, I was included in the the email from Waters raising alarm about these threats. I noticed several things odd about the threats:

  • Rian Waters had been suing Aidan aggressively for more than 2 years, and had never threatened him or his children in that entire time period. Why would he start now, immediately after filing a new lawsuit on the heels of a minor victory on appeal?
  • The photos of the children appeared to be private and intimate. I reverse image searched them on tineye, and could not find them anywhere. This suggested that only Kearney and the children’s family would have access to them. Certainly not a stranger like Rian Waters.
  • The phrasing of the threats appeared to be consistent with Kearney’s writing. Particularly the phrase “tick tock”, which Kearney has used frequently when he behaves in an intimidating and threatening manner online.

Also, strangely, while in court for the restraining order hearing, Rian Waters brought up his desire to have the threats investigated. Kearney and his attorney indicated that they would oppose such an investigation.

That’s pretty weird. I don’t know about you, but if someone was making explicit threats against my children using private family photos I had never made publicly available, I would want that sh*t investigated to the furthest extent of the law. This guy contacted multiple law enforcement agencies over Facebook messages leaking out, but brushes off violent threats against his babies?

This was all conjecture, of course. Until the whistleblowers stepped forward. Now we know for certain. After being served with the new lawsuit, Kearney “had an idea”.

That idea was to fake threats from Rian Waters. Explicit threats, using their images, strewn all over the internet, to be used as falsified evidence in a court of law, under oath.

He started to panic when he realized that these chat logs might be compromised, but hoped that he was really hacked, or that people would believe that I’m a liar.

Yes, imagine all the shit we might have on you, because your “friends” hate you.

Very astute, Laura. Hacked materials generally would not be admissible. Unfortunately, Aidan wasn’t hacked. See the thing is, Aidan. I’m not a liar. You are. You lie to your audience. You lie to the police. You lie under oath. You lie to your parents, to your mistress, to your “friends”. You lie to your siblings, to your wife, to your kids every time you tell them you love and will protect them. All you do is lie. And for the past two years, you have worked overtime to defame, harass, and terrorize me and my children, my family, and my friends because I’m not afraid of the truth. Here’s a bit of it, and we both know there’s so much more to unpack here. Don’t worry. The police will get it all. And maybe the public will too. I feel like I’ve said enough for one day. What kind of “man” can write such vile things about his own kids? Throwing them to the wolves for your own stupid online games. Disgusting.

Do yourself a favor, Aidan. Shut down your hate-filled, lie-riddled little blog. It’s just as toxic as you are, and it makes you publicly worth discussing and boy is there a lot to discuss. Get some meaningful mental health treatment – you are one unstable little ferret. Move out of your wife’s house and give her a divorce, or give up your affairs and treat your wife with the love and respect she deserves. Stop making your family live in limbo while you use them as pawns with one foot out the door. Get a job. A real job, with a schedule and a real paycheck. Stop relying on the hard-earned dollars of the strangers you lie to online. Apologize to Lauren – you violated her in the worst of ways. And definitely never ever speak on my family ever again. Or don’t do any of the above, that’s fine too. I’ve got time to keep dancing this dance, and people who get to know you will inevitably always grow to hate you – while my inbox will always be open.

If you have an experience with Turtleboy Sports, or screenshots, that you’d like to share, you can email me at info@massholereport.com

Note: Some screencaps in this blog have been redacted to protect the identity of some of our sources. Every screencap has an original, unredacted version that contains metadata confirming they have not been altered or edited in any way prior to redaction. Chat conversations have also been screen recorded to prove authenticity and the names of all parties involved have been provided to law enforcement and/or court officials in the case of potential criminal activity.


  1. Oh how the mighty hath fallen !!!
    I can’t wait to see how he tries to BS his way out of this one!!!

  2. thank you so much for sticking by this story and seeing it through. ? I’m so glad I chose the “right” side 2 years ago. #NoRegrAts

  3. If you, or a loved one, has a sex and love addiction, like the one that is described here (along with other maligned psychological behaviors), please visit SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous at (https://slaafws.org/)
    If you are in the Worcester, MA area (this includes the Holden area), please visit
    (https://slaanei.org/schedule/worcester-new-hope-meeting?tsml-day=any&tsml-region=worcester) for information on meetings at the First Unitarian Church in Worcester, MA.

  4. OK, i read the whole thing and couldn’t find the glory hole. Was I lied to?

  5. So you are saying that Aiden reported this to the police and they told him to pound sand… so he used nudes of his kids in this situation because he knew that child porn would get attention from the cops? That is disgusting and evil and I see his kids ending up like Harrison in dexter…. Shooting the dad and driving away never to speak of him again….and I wouldn’t blame them

  6. Those pics of his mistress isn’t Leigha though.

    1. That’s because he has had multiple mistresses

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  8. Masshole will forever be known as the hero of Massachusetts thank you!

  9. Never, ever relent. You have SO MANY more people in your corner than he ever will. You’re all doing what all of us are too afraid to do in fear that we’ll have our names and reputations dragged through the mud. I became a huge fan just from you guys taking him on. We’re all watching and behind you!

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